Humanity makes me sad lately. I think that’s all I have to say.

It’s been a very long time since I posted in my journal. Nothing much has changed. Still working for the university. Gradulating in December and who knows what’ll happen then. I discovered some new bands and songs that I want you readers to know about… Five for Fighting - Superman - Great song… the lead singer sounds something like Dave Matthews. It’s a piano driven song (which I’m typically weak for) but it’s very emotionally powerful. I think it’ll tear up the charts soon. Alicia Keys - Fallin - Amazing vocalist and pianist (there’s the piano weakness again). Reminiscent of a young Aretha Franklin (to me at least). You can feel her pain and torture when she belts out the notes and it’s refreshing to hear a young fresh R&B singer who’s not singin over some tired old rap track. Nikki Costa - Like a Feather - Another amazing vocalist however subdued her vocals are. Love the bright pink hair and the Janisesque performance on stage (she’s kinda spastic in a rhythmic danceish way). The song has some depth without reaching too hard or getting preachy (ala Jewel). Another up and coming soul singer. Sunshine Anderson - Heard it All Before - Great groove, powerful message, strong vocals… she’s got it all! A very strong lady singing a very strong song that makes you wanna slap the hell out of some dawggish man. I think that’s it for the new stuff. I recommend at least trying these songs out if you haven’t heard em yet. Lately a lot of very powerful women have been tearin’ up the charts and it’s always nice to see ladies representin’. I’ll try to post more often. Love y’all.

It seems like every time I turn on the t00b there’s a new damned reality TV show. Survivor… The Mole… Fear… MOTHER OF CHRIST WHEN WILL THIS BOMBARDMENT OF UN-REALITY TV END?! Back in the day it was cool to chill and watch Real World on MTV. I know that this was not the first reality show but it was the first one to make a profound impact on us in the U.S. I remember when no one knew about this stuff. I remember when I got called a freak for watching Real World and people told me it was scripted and it was just a damned soap opera. I remember when I knew all of 5 people in my HS that watched this stuff. Now you can’t escape it… there is NO WHERE YOU CAN RUN AND NO WHERE YOU CAN HIDE! I mean.. I’m not saying that this is bad television but the concept has been so overworked and twisted that it’s impossible to continue to enjoy this stuff. Reality TV is to film what N’Sync is to music. It’s **POP** Don’t get me wrong… I am not completely anti-reality-TV but what ever happened to the simplicity of the first three Real World seasons. The concept was stick 7 people who wouldn’t have normally met in a house for 6 months and see who gets killed first. I liked that. I wasn’t obsessed with the individual people so much as I was profoundly interested in their interpersonal relations and their impacts on each other. Now they have people forming tribes in the Outback and people trying to make a business or run a radio station. Their interpersonal relationships and their personal development are riding side-saddle to their internet start-up companies and tribal wars. IT MAKES MY FUCKING HEAD HURT! Even though reality-TV is getting played out some good things have come of it. Let me try to hilight some of the moments and elements that have had a profound impact on me: First Real World season - Julie and Kevin have a big.. big.. BIG fight on the street in front of their loft. Racial tensions come into SERIOUS play here. For the record I want to say that I don’t fully agree with either side of their argument but it was nice to see a show that didn’t shut off the cameras when the question of racial tension came into play. Keep in mind this was around 1991(ish). The Rodney King trial/verdict was BIG news and racial tension was huge… EVERYWHERE. Kevin had the balls to say some things that needed to be said. Things that weren’t in the media. Till this day I can still see the two of them screaming in each other’s faces on the street in Manhattan. - Norm was gay and open about it. One of the first openly gay characters in the media. In some ways I think he opened the door for people like Ellen to come out on their sitcoms. Didn’t we also find out that Melissa Etheridge was gay around the same time? I think Norm paved the way for a lot of people in the Gay and Lesbian community. At the tender age of 14, Norm helped me see that Gay men were just like everyone else. Thank you, Norm. - Heather B had a profound impact on me as a black woman. Heather didn’t take shit from ANYONE and we knew it after the first episode. Here was this young talented black rapper who was sweet and compassionate and not above befriending the young country girl Julie on the show. Heather B showed me that not all black women had to have a stank attitude and be bitchy and gold-diggin (note these observations are coming from a black women about almost all of the black women she’d met at that point in her life). This woman showed me that it was cool to be who I am. Fuck what other people think and just chill. Second Real World season - Tammy had an abortion. This was my first quasi-real look into the situation of a woman who was having an abortion. I am still pro-choice and that will never change, but this situation helped me realize that having an abortion is not like makin Jell-O(tm) pudding. Third Real World season - Puck.. the UNDISPUTED King of Reality TV. Puck.. I doubt you’ll ever read this but if you do here’s an ego stroke for you. Puck is the single most individual character I’ve ever been exposed to in the media. The one thing I learned from him is this… be yourself and chances are someone’s not gonna like you.. and if they don’t.. fuck em.. - Pedro Zamora. Pedro had a profound impact on me. He was the first person I’d been exposed to in the media who had AIDS and was open about it. He devoted his life to AIDS awareness and after he passed in 1994 some of his cast mates “picked up his torch” and carried on his struggle to make the public aware and informed. Pedro touched the hearts and the lives of more people than any other Real World cast member. I grew up in the shadow of reality TV. I think that the Real World in particular brought up some issues that I would not have been directly exposed to even growing up in NYC. I am just saddened that something that had the potential to be so profound and thought provoking has been commercialized and trivialized by corporate America. Welcome to MSUSA brought to you by Pepsi and Nike. *Cut to teaser commercial-trailer for the next season of Survivor*

With the help of my good compadre Jay (the jay half of stephnjay) I realized what ETS means. The name of my department stands for:

Eat Talk & Schmooze!

I work in a department full of YENTAS! I HAVE FOUND MY CALLING!

Yes… it’s true. Pop is here to stay (at least for a while… ’till the next Cobain comes along). I know a lot of people pray everyday that they’ll wake up and all of those pop icons that we love to hate will have disappeared from the face of the music industry. UNFORTUNATELY IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Yes Ladies & Germs.. Britney is here and we can’t get rid of her. At least not for a little while. As a group, we humans are fickle… and I’m sure Britney and Christina will wear out their welcome. I just wish that it happened a couple of days ago. The thing that has really gotten my goat lately is the astounding combination of Overproduction and Underdirection. These groups tend to spend a lot of time whining about not getting respect (N’Sync is notorious for this and I’m sure O-Town will join their whiny ranks soon), but how are you going to get any respect if you have no hand in the production and direction of your music and careers? This is the future of these little pop groups and solo acts as I see it: — N’Sync will continue to have classic pop songs written for them and they won’t pick up a damned pen or an instrument to help the cause. They will continue to complain about not getting any respect for what they do even though they haven’t done anything but sing how they’re told and dance how they’re told and wear what they’re told. They will forever be stained because of their lack of involvement and control on their albums. — Backstreet will continue to write more and more of their albums. As they do this they will gain credibility as writers and artists (they do play their own instruments Ladies and Gents), and as they do this, their sales will drop incredibly because their songs aren’t being written by the men with the golden touch (Max Martin, etc..). They will then either split up and go solo (and probably make much more money as solo artists while working half as hard), or retire before they become the next NKOTB or Monkees. — Britney Spears will do the solo version of what N’Sync is doing and eventually fade into obscurity or turn her focus to acting (thus pulling a ‘Mark’ Walberg) if she’s smart. Let’s face it.. she’s cute and she seems to have a personality but she can’t sing for shit. Sorry Britney. — Christina Aguilera is destined for the land of DIVA because she REALLY does have a GREAT voice and an amazing range. Hopefully she will pull an Aretha Franklin and take the proverbial pen from the pop psychologists that craft her music and write a gritty album that chronicles her life and gain some credibility as an ‘artist.’ — O-Town and Eden’s Crush were planned on paper (or perhaps with Microsoft Powerpoint) and they will NEVER EVER get any respect in the music industry. They are the Monkees of today (without the capacity to play any instruments). — Destiny’s Child… All I have to say is this: We saw what happened to The Supremes. They’re doomed. In all honesty I only have respect for Backstreet & Christina. I know it’s kinda sad to say that… but out of all the groups in our faces today, they’re the only ones that seem to have either natural talent or the urge to take some control of their careers. When it comes down to it.. this urge to take control will most likely cost them their limo rides and free Armani outfits.

Ladies and gentlemen… this is the most exciting news that I’ve had all year. NETSCAPE IS GONNA CALL IT QUITS! YAY FOR OUR TEAM! Once Netscape bows out, then I can REALLY make use of my CSS book for sure!

I am finding out slowly that in my old age (i’m 24 now for those of you who have been living in a bucket) I am becoming less tolerant of certain things. One of my biggest pet peeves is manipulation.

Benjy would say that because I am female I am a natural manipulator. I would argue that though I have the capacity and perhaps the propensity to manipulate people, I do my best to avoid that route with people. It’s a very unbecoming trait… and it’s downright horrible to be known as a manipulator so I try my best not to do it to my friends and loved ones. Now… when people try to manipulate me or manipulate my friends they’re playing with fire because as a natural manipulator not only can I play the game but I can call other people’s games too. There are just certain things in life that I will not tolerate and this is one of them.

Secondly, don’t EVER play the ultimatum game with me or with my friends. When I was younger I admit I played this one a lot, but unfortunately sometimes it’s the only way to get people to do something.. sometimes for their own benefit (in very serious situations where they wouldn’t listen to you otherwise). It still doesn’t mean it should be one of the cards you play all the time. That’s downright stupid. Don’t tell my friend “Either you do this or I won’t talk to you again.” At this point, when you play this particular game, you’ve earned my (our) ire and you’ve earned it HARDCORE. What right do you have to tell someone else how to live their lives? This is part of the reason that I am pro choice. I don’t advocate Abortion by any means, but what gives a legislator the right to tell me how to manage my body? It’s as simple as that. If you think someone has a serious problem that needs attending to… tell them that… don’t play fucking mind games and power games with them. And if they’re smart, they’ll still tell you to go fuck yourself because you have no right to impose your opinions on them. We were all given the power of higher thought to think for ourselves not to think for others.

Finally, the other thing that pisses me off a lot lately is when people lie. Don’t tell me X, tell my brother Y and expect us not to figure out that we’re not on the same letter of the alphabet. That should be common sense. Don’t assume that I’m not going to confer with my friends on a quasi-regular basis about you. If you assume that we’re not talking about you (good or bad) you’re dead wrong. When shit hits the fan, everyone’s getting splattered. Remember that.

You’d think that as we get older we’d have the decency to think a little about how our actions effect the people around us. I have come to learn that not everyone takes the time out to think about this and it saddens me deeply. The one thing I DO know is that I don’t trust anyone I don’t consider a real friend as far as I can throw them.

Why is it that people who have the least to say spend the most time talking? I was just thinking about this and I find it really amusing. The most shallow individuals I know spend the most time talking about the most inane shit. It’s really true… think about it. Imagine the most shallow person you know and really think about the amount of time they spend talking. Now you should be thoroughly amused but scared at the same time. I think if these shallow people who babble bullshit all the time would spend more time with their traps shut… we could reverse global warming. That’s just my spin on it.

I’m now in my “Mid” Twenties. ACK!

As you get older, birthdays don’t mean as much. I think that’s both a good and bad thing.

The Good:

1. Do you really want to draw attention to the fact that you’re getting older?
2. After you hit 21, there are no more true milestones till 25.. and then all you get to do is rent a damned car.
3. Do you really want to think that hard about the future? Marriage… jobs… houses… cars… etc… PRESSURE!
4. No more birthday punches.

The Bad:

1. Birthday parties and exorbitant presents were pretty fucking cool.
2. It’s nice to be spoiled and pampered for 24 hours straight… especially when your birthday is nowhere near Christmas season… where you can also potentially get pampered.
3. Birthday Rights: “We’re gonna do it MY way cause it’s my BIRTHDAY!”
4. Birthday punches (for the punch-ers… not the punch-ees)… nothing like a quasi-formal reason to wail on your friend for all the little things they did to piss you the hell off.

**SIGH**

So glad it’s over. Gotta go take my Geritol. G’nite.